Trust

Learning How To Let Go and Let God

The bible teaches us to “cast all your cares upon me”….

Realistically, how many of us actually do this “without” trying to fix the situation ourselves? I would estimate a very low percentage. Learning to “let go” and “let God” is not as easy as it sounds, however, the bible reassures us to …”Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Ps 55:22 and “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

let-go-let-GODFor example let’s consider Job’s trials. Job said: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” Job 13:15 KJV

The taunting, “Worry Syndrome”

I pose the question, if you’re in constant turmoil and worrying, why do you pray? Is it just something you do because it’s tradition? Or, do you truly seek God for peace and understanding? Forming a “real” relationship with God provides a sense of security, revelation knowledge and mostly, “a peace that surpasseth all understanding.”

The bible says to delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37:4) What we should understand mostly from this passage is the fact that there is a process of learning just how to “delight yourself in God.”

Are you willing to go through the process? If so, here are a few suggestions to get you started on your blessed journey: Pray and sincerely ask the Holy Spirit to order your footsteps as you prepare to read God’s words.

  1. Clear your mind of all self-thoughts of how you “think” it should be. (As Paul stated to the Corinthians in 1 Corin 14:36; “Do you think that the knowledge of God’s word begins and ends with you Corinthians? Well, you are mistaken!”)
  2. Be prepared to push your way through negative temptations of things like, “I don’t understand what I’m reading” or “this doesn’t make any sense” or “I don’t have time to read” or “every time I try to read the bible, I get sleepy” (well, perhaps you do but, understand that the enemy doesn’t want you to read it, speak boldly and declare the good works of the Lord that you have already conquered the enemy and you’re on your way to a victorious life in Jesus Christ!) and continue to read. (Ref: “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Matt 26:41)
  3. Make it a point to read at least 3 scriptures per day. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to place these readings in your spirit so that when it’s time for you to use them, He will bring them back to remembrance.
  4. Don’t “try” so hard. God knows your heart. A sincere heart towards Him will produce results.
  5. STOP stressing. When you find yourself going to a place of stress, having tantrums or rebellious actions – STOP and ask yourself, “what do I look like to God right now?” Did you know that God knows what our needs are long before we do? Let go and let Him do what He promises all throughout His message. BUT, if you feel you must continue through a tantrum, afterwards, repent (ask for forgiveness), shake the dust and renew your mind to the will of God. Note: “Discouragement, depression, and self-pity are the result of problems and adversity for some. For others, problems are a challenge and help bring about faith, trust and victory.” 1
  6. Be willing to go through your storm! Pick up your cross and humbly carry it to its destination! God is able to use us for His glory when we’re willing to pursue the purpose He intended for us long ago.
  7. Place yourself in environments and with people that are positive and encouraging.
  8. Instead of the “me, oh my” syndrome, with a sincere heart, pray for others
  9. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to your own understanding.”

Faith is the substance of things hoped for...Did you know that doubt and faith cannot exist in the same body? For example, have you ever found yourself in a conversation saying, “I know I should be stronger than this, oh yes I have faith BUT, I’m human too, and sometimes it just gets too hard.”? The mind can sometimes be our worst weapon against self; however, the fact that we can dismiss negativity by adding positives allows us to be over comers! It is unwise (and impossible) to seek the Lord through “worldly” eyes. God is a spirit and the bible informs that we must seek Him in spirit and in truth.

Larry Burkett once said, “as Christians we are admonished to be over comers, all you need to do is ask the Lord to help you.” Scripture reference: 1 John 5:5; “Who is the one that overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.”

What a message of reassurance, Amen?

The bible is filled with such reassurance that all we have to do is trust God, know the word for yourself and to “let go and let God” do what He purposed for your life long ago.

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5 Personality Traits That Good Men Strive For

Most guys don’t plan on coming up short in relationships, but a failure to plan is the same as a plan to fail. We all want to be the best men that we can be for ourselves and our lovers, but how can we achieve our best without a reasonable goal? Our culture lacks a definition for the word “man,” so men who want to be good often lack direction. We’ve already shown you five characteristics every man should strive for, and now we’re back with five more. Read on!

1. Vulnerability

Courage without vulnerability is reduced to riskiness. Vulnerability is the honesty, self-reflection, and acceptance that fills courage with wisdom, potency, and purpose. An invulnerable man blames his failures on external factors because he associates failure with his identity; an invulnerable man is stuck in an imaginary shell of his own inadequacy. A vulnerable man blames his failures on his actions and allows room for growth because he accepts his actions as separate from who he is. If a vulnerable man fails, he can look for the error of his actions and do better next time; he has faith. When an invulnerable man fails, he blames the failure on his nature and succumbs to fear; he has no faith in himself, and will not risk exposing his imaginary identify of “failure.”

Vulnerability is especially important in relationships because it leads to these all-important words: “What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry.” Vulnerable men know that they can improve their actions with commitment and persistence, and that there is no shame in having been wrong. Vulnerable men are the ones who can connect deeply emotionally, intellectually, and sexually for lifelong intimacy. You can grow vulnerability by reflecting on your history and reframing your life with “I screwed up” instead of “I was a screw up.” Perceiving failure as an event, and not a person, will open you up to take bigger risks and to grow. Without vulnerability, a man cannot grow.

2. Truth seeking

The trait of truth seeking is reserved for people who want to be real human beings. Admitting that there is truth requires courage, vulnerability, resilience, and faith; truth is not for sissies. Truth seeking requires wisdom, because you cannot seek it if you don’t recognize it to exist.

Many people stray from truth because it so inconveniences their lives and routines. If the truth is that cheating is harmful to relationships and to society, someone who indulges in the short term pleasures of infidelity would be wont to call truth a subjective thing; that his truth is different from yours or mine. But here’s the deal: If absolute truth didn’t exist, one couldn’t refute its existence by denying it. If there is no truth, then the denial of truth could not be true and would therefore have no meaning.

Truth-seeking men are also long-term thinkers. Truth is the prize that motivates good men to stay away from the tempting drug of passing pleasure, so those who seek it are necessarily focused on the long term. Truth-seeking men are also the ones who will be the most dependable and the most courageous; they are the best husbands because their wives and children can rely on for long-term security and love.

Truth seeking is a trait you can cultivate only after you ingrain vulnerability and courage. Truth will require you to humble yourself and admit when you have done wrong, and also to step outside of your comfort zone to explore truth and to make it your own. To grow as a truth seeker, you get to question everything. Question what you thought was good for you, question cultural norms, question religions, question scientific facts, and question everything.

A truth-seeking man will be the most curious and fun-loving man because truth never stays in one spot — it is forever one step ahead of you, begging for you to stretch yourself and grasp it. Truth seeking is at the heart of adventurousness and every other trait that makes a man a man. Truth-seeking men recognize that growth is a requirement for the human being, and that truth is the ultimate tool to grow with. If you accept that there is such a thing as truth, you will be curious, courageous, vulnerable, resilient, dependable, and many other things that go into making an amazing careerist, husband and father.

3. Humility

This trait is the opposite of what modern society has become — flashy, glamorous, extravagant, ritzy, ostentatiousness, and braggy. But all of those expressions require energy that doesn’t actually serve the growth and character of a person, so it is the humble man who has the most energy to accomplish meaningful work.

If truth is a knight, humility is the page. Humility assists people in preparing to accept truth, and the opposite of humility is pridefulness. Whereas humility says, “I know nothing,” pride claims to know everything. When you know that you know nothing, then you are receptive to learning everything. This is why good men are also humble men; there is nothing they can’t learn, and no way they can’t grow. You can grow humility by adopting a learner’s attitude, which is “Never stop learning.”

Spouses of humble husbands get the pleasure of always being wanted and desired because their husbands are continually seeking to know them better, never presuming to know everything there is to know about her. Humble husbands are the ones who grow in intimacy with their partners until their dying days. Humble dads will always look for the best in their children and will be instrumental in helping to shape positive identities that allow their children to flourish.

4. Patience

Patience is such an amazing and sexy trait, but it hardly ever takes the spotlight because most people are set on short-term thinking. Patience unlocks the privileges that come through the responsibility of truth seeking and long-term thinking.

Without patience a man will give into the desire for passing pleasure and become consumed with a lust for sexual gratification while the infinite beauty within a woman remains unseen. Patience gives a man the time to unlock the treasures in the heart of a good woman, and to know her mind and soul. The patient man is one who acknowledges there is a whole lifetime of intimacy and sexual satisfaction ahead with his wife if he gets to know her innermost world first.

Patient men are well prepared men. They seek to refine themselves so that when the opportunity for great risk and reward comes along, he will have the eyes to see it and the skill to succeed. Patient men are also the gentlest men. By practicing patience they give themselves time to assess emotions and respond positively to people around them. You can practice patience by setting long-term goals, and by having faith in your ability to attain them one step at a time. You can grow patience by counting to ten when you are angry, and by breathing deeply when you want to respond harshly to someone. Reading big books is also a great way to develop patience. The treasure of knowledge and experience in a 1,000-page book must be discovered one page at a time for up to weeks on end. Patience leads to long-term thinking and a life of responsibility and privilege.

5. Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the balancing trait to patience. You can be patient all damn year and it won’t do you any good if you lack the assertiveness to strike when the iron’s hot. Without patience, assertiveness becomes rashness and false confidence which gets people into hot water and sticky situations. Assertiveness is having faith in your preparedness and knowledge, and the courage to make the big leaps even if you look like a fool in the end.

Assertive men are generally truth-seeking men because they stick up for what is right, and they believe in themselves. Assertive men demonstrate hard work, faith, and courage in the spotlight to model the behavior of younger people. Assertive men make the best fathers for this reason.

If you commit to developing these character traits, your life will effloresce and your family and community will overflow with the rare gifts that come from good men. The alternative is to define manhood by anatomy, in which case you have no challenges, save for tender nipples and testicles during puberty. But striving for these traits will be a daily challenge that you make yourself, and through battling and achieving, you will craft the greatest man that you can be. The world needs more great men.

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Why Wait to Have Sex in Marriage? A man’s perspective…

Some wait for sex… Why? There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others…” That’s what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I’ve learned — the hard way — concerning girls & relationships. Specifically, I’ve jotted down eight reasons why I’m now waiting until marriage to have sex…

1) I now know that sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…

During my sexpades in high school & a bit in campus, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.” After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. I was so empty & almost suicidal. Media told me sex was the in thing & that i would get fulfillment. WHAT A BUNCH OF LIARS!!! That’s something you won’t see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards.

The “love hangover” was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because sex was my “god.” As a male, it’s what I thought about morning, noon & night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling — the crowning achievement in the worship of my “god.” And yet, there was always a lack of fulfillment afterwards.

Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a “love hangover”? If you have, you should stop and consider, “Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it’s so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?”

I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: “I just need more, that’s all.” (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn’t, e.g. we get the car we’ve always wanted but then it’s just “okay” after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can’t really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, “Well, I guess that wasn’t the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.”)

But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It’s not what the movies make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn’t be any “emptiness.”

2) I now want to be more honorable toward women…

I’ve found that girls often don’t fully understand what’s going on when it comes to sex, i.e. their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy’s. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, “But I love him,” even if she doesn’t really want to go through with it. Why does that happen? It’s been said that, “Girls use sex to get love, guys use love to get sex.”

This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it & while something inside her is telling her it’s the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman?

Something I’ve discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are honoring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret & the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, “Honor is a gift a man gives himself.” When you honor a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (i.e. what’s in her best interest), you honor yourself & insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with.

3) That’s somebody else’s wife…

Here’s what I mean: most of the girls I’ve been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn’t done what I’ve done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it.

And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I’m not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife. What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now & feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday.

You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone’s daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now see girls from a different perspective. They’re someone else’s future wife, someone else’s daughter, sister, etc.

4) Sex has killed my best relationships…

For example, I now have a college sweetheart and now things are so thick between us & fear we might break up & be heart broken just because we had sex before marriage. I really love her & I pray day & night that we do not break up. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.” We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. So, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart.

That’s what I mean by “sex killed my best relationships.” People can relate on many different levels — emotionally, mentally, physically & spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we had waited.

I’ve seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there’s a reason for this, which I’ll explain next.

5) Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship…

For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time.

The two things were this:
1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to).
2) She began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to).

I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect & lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.

I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this — he doesn’t respect her, she knows it & she doesn’t trust him, so she doesn’t want to give herself to him. It’s very sad & more common than you might think but nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. The movie & TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It’s like no one wants to acknowledge that it’s happening, even though it is.

6) Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my marriage…

Why? Because we’ll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her & her having more trust in me. One thing I’ve learned: if a girl doesn’t trust a guy, she doesn’t want to give herself wholly to him. Deep down, she doesn’t really enjoy being with him.

This is how it works. Since “girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex,” a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship. The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man. So she doesn’t need to use sex to get him anymore.

And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy — who doesn’t treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage — still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It’s just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage.

I’m not making this stuff up. Now that I’m out of college & many people around me are getting married, I’m seeing it happen all the time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife & the woman a greater respect for her husband & consequently, they’ll have better & more frequent sex because they respect each other more & love each other more deeply.

7) Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage…

Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it “casual.” The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I’ll be able to bond with my future wife. It’s like a piece of scotch tape — the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won’t stick to anything.

If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won’t be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won’t cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won’t love her as much as I could have. Each day that passes that I’ve remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better.

It’s a funny thing: our culture decries adultery, yet it freely condones premarital sex, even with multiple partners. That’s ironic. Because, if you take the element of time out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery. We can imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship, maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures the potential bond between a man and a woman.

8) I don’t have to sleep with a woman to know if we’re “sexually compatible.”

Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. That’s what I’ve found out. It’s supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well.

I’ve come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I don’t have to sleep with my future wife to find out if we’re sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.

Something else needs to said here. Another thing I think I’ve “discovered” is this: when you place sex as the determining factor of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it’s doomed to fail. It’s like being in prison. You’re locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating.

But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship & the sex isn’t the focus, then you’re freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular (because it won’t be.) And yet, I don’t think that as a college-age adult I was capable of not focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn’t present at all. That’s why I think it’s best to wait altogether.

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